my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
