I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
