If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
