sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
