you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i dont even know how to be here
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
