i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that's an acceptable place to lick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
