she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
