She said her name was "party"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
