She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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