i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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