Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
