Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
