Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
