got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
