Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
