I accidentally had phone sex last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
