Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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