Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
