Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
