the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
