Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
