you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
