I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
