i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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