no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wear drunk well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
