I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
