we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
