we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
