Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
