Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
