hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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