Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
