booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
