please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
