Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
