my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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