It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
