It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
