If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
