I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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