arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
