mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
