i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
