i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
