Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
