he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
