So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
