in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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