If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
