She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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