can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
