Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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