taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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