And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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